Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The beers last night were like the tears from god
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
