you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
