I am puke
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
