the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
