you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
