Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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