I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
