Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
