Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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