Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
