You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
