My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
