I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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