Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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