oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I smell stomach acid.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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