i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
