So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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