My room smells like vodka and shame
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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