I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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