making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
