I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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