I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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