there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
