Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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