how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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