We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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