Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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