Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
