If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
