xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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