He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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