I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
whose parrot is this?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.