So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.