one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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