Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

He has that thing where they hang SUPER low

(650): View more from California

Ewww!! Elephantitis

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(734): View more from Michigan

I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.

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(404): View more from Georgia

In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(205): View more from Alabama

So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls

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(760): View more from California

We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.

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(646): View more from New York

They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!

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(541): View more from Oregon

What should I say back?

(1-541): View more from Oregon

Well, how do you want the conversation to go?

(541): View more from Oregon

Straight into my pants.

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(206): View more from Washington

I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans

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