Texts From Last Night

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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool

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  (920): Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool http://tfl.nu/i9nx
  Replies (10) Good night (890) Bad night (2128)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970

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  (434): So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970 http://tfl.nu/x6yp
  Replies (13) Good night (641) Bad night (3086)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.

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  (504): I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car. http://tfl.nu/on2m
  Replies (10) Good night (2194) Bad night (704)
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  (559): View more from California

  my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding

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  (559): my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding http://tfl.nu/co4h
  Replies (13) Good night (5671) Bad night (770)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac

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  (206): alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac http://tfl.nu/kfdr
  Replies (5) Good night (3126) Bad night (594)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.

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  (410): She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else. http://tfl.nu/yur0
  Replies (47) Good night (13057) Bad night (984)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.

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  (313): Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays. http://tfl.nu/zion
  Replies (11) Good night (1065) Bad night (4571)
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  (845): View more from New York

  she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.

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  (845): she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits. http://tfl.nu/cebt
  Replies (18) Good night (1083) Bad night (5916)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.

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  (816): After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship. http://tfl.nu/v7rc
  Replies (12) Good night (3414) Bad night (784)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.

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  (267): she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon. http://tfl.nu/y6s2
  Replies (11) Good night (3881) Bad night (1454)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship

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  (404): you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship http://tfl.nu/msif
  Replies (7) Good night (3985) Bad night (1061)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Please tell me you're talking about his personality.

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  (347): Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year. (917): Please tell me you're talking about his personality. http://tfl.nu/ofhy
  Replies (7) Good night (2364) Bad night (1229)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.

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  (512): I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas. http://tfl.nu/ufwf
  Replies (28) Good night (4081) Bad night (690)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?

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  (856): I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong? http://tfl.nu/uyqh
  Replies (2) Good night (1418) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.

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  (347): Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal. http://tfl.nu/seq0
  Replies (6) Good night (1366) Bad night (512)

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