y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You can't motorboat a personality
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.