I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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