So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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