I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I came so hard my ears popped.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
