It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
