what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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