tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
