So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
