Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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