This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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