Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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