just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
