i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
