filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
