Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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