dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
