I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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