Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
