he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My ass is underappreciated
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
