i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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