just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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