You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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