Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
