i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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