I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
