my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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