my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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