Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
