I must be too annoying 4 u.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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