I want to make a zoo with you.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
