Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
