saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She even gives head with a lisp.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
