whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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