My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
