Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
