There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
