How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
