I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
