How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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