Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
