I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
