It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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