I heard we made out
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
