Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
