New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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