I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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